As a coach, one of the best things to do is to intuitively listen. The same applies to being an ally.
I am watching the protests of the #blacklivesmatter movement with hope. My black friends have their fists raised and they are demanding that they are respected. They are shouting for their rights to watch birds, to drive, to sleep in their own homes, … to breathe.
With all of this is happening, some well-intentioned politicians and pundits declare, “If respect is what they are seeking, this is what I would do. Whenever I want to make a difference, this is what works for ME.” That’s not listening. The subjective observation doesn’t help. This is not about you. They are not asking you for your advice.
Even as allies to #blm, many of us are encouraging, “Good for you. You have the right to protest.” Okay, we hear you and understand that it’s not about us. We are focused on you. But we can do better.
Part of doing better is to pay attention to what is NOT written on hand-written signs; what is NOT on your social media; what is NOT on your television screen. We need to truly listen and be intuitively connected to what the real message is, we need to be paying attention. Hear the tone of voice; see their energy levels; sense their feelings.
We can simply see headlines and images of thousands of marchers and choose to support them. Do we truly understand their fear, their anger, their frustration, their feelings of powerlessness? Are we really listening?
When you try to help others, consider these tips:
Listen more; talk less. Share the mic.
Resist the need to respond with better or different ideas. Your need to explain or offer may silence those you are trying to help.
Ask when you don’t know — but do the work first. Don’t expect them to educate you.
Don’t equate your experience. You have no idea what others are going through.
These listening tips can be useful for anyone at any time. It doesn’t matter the cause, the relationship, or the power dynamic. There is a reason we have two ears and only one mouth.